Zebra

Insems are going well!

Much better being in a house and not a hotel room!! Also...instead of the Instead Cups we are using a Diva Cup....It feels so much better and makes more sense to me! I just couldn't seem to place the Instead up correctly without leakage. *blahhh* the Diva Cup is completely air tight!

I absolutely love going to the IPs house! June gets into everything--but they love it, IF plays with June nonstop!! Oh, and, the food is always aaaamazing! I LOVE FOOD!!

Funniest thing during this insem: on day one (at 7AM), IF was doing his "thing" while IM was watching June...IM slipped into the shower before work and, as we have it set up, I go to "my" room and prep myself, IF finishes and yells to IM, IM runs over, grabs the goods, and hands it to me and closes the door. THIS time, however, IF kept yelling for IM who was in the shower!! Poor guy..I think he thought we left!!

Side note:
I never wrote about this (I've been slacking), but a few days before insems, Frank and I visited the IPs for dinner. IF made Frank margaritas...three. IDK WHAT he put in them, but WHOA! I don't think Frank has been THAT drunk, EVER!! And, Frank definitely didnt' anticipate on getting that tossed, after all, a 200lb man vs three margaritas?!! Poor guy, he has vowed to never drink tequila again.

Home Insem Numero Dos

Here goes our 2nd cycle doing home insems. I am extremely optimistic. We can do this!!

We are going to do 5 insems...3 during high-fertility, 1 on ovulation, and 1 last attempt.

I am SO excited!! I have to wake up SO early tomorrow though. Frank is opening at work...a bright and early 6AM. That means I have to wake up at 5AM, get June into the car and Frank to work by 5:45AM....then drive 45 minutes to Fremont to do the insem. On the bright side, I get breakfast! I LOVE breakfast!!

STUPID HPT!

Home pregnancy tests should be illegal.

They really are habit forming. Thankfully my IPs bought a total of 55 tests (Amazon sale...). I have been doing 1 test every morning for the last 2 days. Yeah, okay, I started a bit early, but I am impatient!! All pretty clear negatives...I'm hoping and hoping that I'll get something soon!!

I'm not too upset, as this was basically a trial-cycle and insem practice. We figured out what worked for us, had a great weekend and now that we actually have all of our supplies, if we need to do another round, we will be prepared!

7ish more days until my expected period...Let this be wishful thinking that it DOESN'T come!

On another note...

I've been taking my Fertilitea and Fertilaid religiously as directed Fertilitea 2x a day and the Fertilaid 3x a day. I had started doing both 3x a day and ended up with horrible headaches, uterine cramping and the worst fatigue. 10 minutes after drinking the tea I would already be fighting sleep. Now that I've changed things around, I feel way more comfortable. Wake up at 9AM, heat water, steep tea, take Fertilaid, take Prenatal, take DHA, take Calcium, drink tea with a spoonful of honey. Then, at 3:30, take my 2nd Fertilaid. And before bed, heat water, steep tea, take Fertilaid and drink my tea with a spoonful of honey in bed. ZzZzzzz....

Phew.

So, 8 more days until I can start doing pregnancy tests (12 days until my expected period)....I am SO excited!

My weekend in Fremont was great. My IP's placed me in a nice hotel with my daughter, fed us well, and made sure I was comfortable throughout my stay. I couldn't have asked for a better weekend!

I'll admit, the first insemination was very....weird..Embarrassing mostly. Advice for any new traditional surros....when using the Instead Cup, remember to take gravity into consideration. I actually accidentally squeezed some of the semen out when placing it and got really weirded out!! I'll admit, I gagged. No offense, I.F.!! I learned from that point on...get the sample then turn the lights off, hold my breath and place it. 1, 2, 3. Same process for removal.
It happens, being grossed out. But...I guess at that point I realized; This. Is. It. And no matter how icky or gross, the best placement means a better chance at a pregnancy and one step closer to providing this amazing couple with a child.

Oh, and... Aside from the little accident, nothing was weird about the experience, nothing icky, nothing sexual (if you were wondering). Very professional. If anything, it was weird that everything WAS so serious! We are so "chillax" and fun all other moments!!

Highlights of the weekend:
L: Do they REALLY ride elephants through the street in India??
I.M.: Oh no!! Not any more!! Just cars!!
L: How boring.

L: Okay...Is the Kama Sutra REALLY that big of a deal?
I.F.: OH YEAH. Every 8th grade boy has a copy and looks at it and laughs. BUT if parents find it...Ohhh man...

*during the pass-off*
L: OKAY. No eye contact!! Just go! Out the door!
I.F.: OK! OK! *speeds off*


Now that I am home and taking Fertilaid and Fertilitea, preparing for my next cycle to start, I couldn't be more anxious! I have been having "early pregnancy symptoms" or maybe a result of the herbal fertility supplements...Slight cramping, heavy tender breasts, knee/leg/ pains, and I am SO tired all of the sudden!! Maybe I am just excited and hopeful...or just plain sleepy...We will see!!

Until then...TTFN!

T-Minus 24 Hours Until....

I can't believe we have made it to this already!

I am so excited and anticipating this weekend, our first round with inseminations. Because this is the first time we will ALL be doing inseminations, I am apprehensive, nervous, excited yet calm and...well, for the lack of using 50 more adjectives, I CAN'T WAIT!!

We have made all preparations, contract is in place, insurance is purchased, and all home insemination supplies have been gathered (well, almost).

The parents have been so gracious as to place me in a hotel for the weekend, one, so I can be close to them (while they are hiding from their own parents!) and so I can center my mind and relax....Oh, and... *wink wink* become comfortable and hopefully once June is asleep (or adequately occupied), work on making my cervix accept the sample. If you are/or have researched home inseminations, you know what I am referring to, right? ;)

I am so glad that the parents are so fun, so full of excitement and know that while this is a serious matter...we have to enjoy every moment! Everyone is going to be nervous the first time around, especially the I.F.!! Poor guy...

My plans are as follows...Get to the hotel, take a nice nap (June approved nap, that is), relax and before their arrival read some "naughty" romance fiction. They say arousal aids in the process, ok?!! We're all adults here!

Wish me luck, readers....and...Keep my reproductive organs in your thoughts-err....or not... :/

And, until next time....Think Baby Thoughts!!

Anticipation

IUD has been out for a few weeks now and I've started my next cycle. Day 3, to be exact! I am a bit bummed that I didn't really thoroughly research the Clearblue Fertility Monitor before this week. Apparently I have to begin the test within 5 days of my cycle beginning...Bummer, I can't get it shipped in time!!

I am so excited to begin, this is just going to be amazing!

Unintentionally Ignorant Intended Parents

I'll never know what it is like to go through failed IVFs, or to be told that my husband is unable to produce an "army", so my disclaimer is: I don't intend to hurt any feelings.

When I had originally posted on one of the most popular Surrogacy Classifieds, I had no idea of the magnitude of replies. Within a few days I had 50+ emails, all from different walks of life. Some were genuine, some seemed "weird", and some were just--vague. Others seemingly ignored the whole entire post and replied to it anyway. I'm sure these individuals were just withered down, tired from replying and tired of reading posts. It is understandable, but, more often than not it seemed to be a "we are paying you, we want baby"-type of deal. I am not doing a surrogacy to put a down payment on a house or pay off debts (although, let's be honest, I do have my fair share of debts-I AM HUMAN!!). As a doula I could legitimately make the same per month as a standard surrogacy contract would agree to...Nothing about the money aspect of surrogacy is really appealing....I mean, hourly it is pennies on the dollar. (So, for those thinking that surrogacy compensation is the way to go for easy cash...rest assured that, well, it isn't).

If you are reading this and interested in becoming a surrogate, please do NOT give out your real/full name or emails containing them. I made this mistake, and...I'll tell you why. As a doula, within my practice, I feel professionalism is a priority. I remain open, honest and supportive of all questions and give parents and opportunity to reach out to me and to feel comfortable doing so. I guess I felt that Intended Parents were allowed to know this information... There. Are. Crazies. Also, despite many asking for phone numbers, make sure to at least trade a few emails. I have gotten texts at 12:30 AM (not from an earlier time zone!), and many other "weird" instances. I may post about these later.

When posting and deciding to become a surrogate, it is important to assess what types of families you are wanting to work with. Only straight, only Caucasians, African-Americans, Asian-Americans, Gay women/men, single gay/straight...the possibilities are endless. Going into this I also was unaware and felt it wasn't in my jurisdiction to judge someone else's family structure...But, without sounding rude, you MUST feel comfortable with the aspect of what this child will grow up into. There are pros and cons, and until you can trust and feel comfortable with the Intended Parents, Do. Not. Continue. You will be with these people in the most intimate time in your life--and the beginning of the greatest part of theirs. It is important to realize while you have had a child and given birth, this is the first birth experience they will ever have, and, (in my opinion) it should be a pleasant and respectful one (as much as one can assume-all babies, pregnancies and deliveries are different!).

As a surrogate and wanting to achieve a positive experience I had told myself to NOT settle, no matter the price, no matter the location, and after talking with a few couples near and far, I decided I would pause from posting and instead would reply to ads posted by Intended Parents.

The Framework.

It is now mid-August. Two months ago I had become seriously interested in becoming a surrogate. The timing was right, it had been a year after my daughter's arrival and I just "knew" I should begin researching. Originally I had posted a Classifieds Ad looking for parents interested in a natural approach to conception, pregnancy and birth. I knew it would be a challenge....I am so confident in trusting my own body, while these other women have felt tormented and betrayed by their own. It is hard to make something so unnatural as surrogacy into something seemingly "organic," but, I figured I could give it a shot. Funds were so tight during my first pregnancy that I rarely had a chance to truly enjoy the little things...This is another reason why I have decided to become a surrogate--to have an amazing birth experience, as my first was...horrible? Misleading? Words can't describe that one. Anywhoo...Moving along...

Ideally this "natural" approach would mean no IVF. So, enter traditional surrogacy. Conception would happen in a comfortable, low-stress environment, ideally home insemination. I wouldn't take fertility pills (ex. Clomid), and would instead keep a very detailed chart of my Basal Body Temperature, cycle and fluids. I would make an effort to keep in the habit of health conscious eating (example: I WANT this cheeseburger today...and tomorrow I won't eat one!...Okay, just kidding. Always healthy *chants to self*) and daily exercise. I would take only prenatal vitamins, no other pills, and would use homeopathic remedies or chiropractic care during the pregnancy as needed. And...the big aspect of my ideal surrogacy...A home birth.

It is so hard to find intended parents that aren't apprehensive to this approach, and many have done so much research into surrogacy that they feel these rules have been set in stone and are not, simply-put, examples. I felt that after posting I was having to convince these intended parents why I should have the pregnancy I want, when the true benefit is for their child... I told myself I wouldn't settle and the right couple would come along.

As I began talking with couples, I soon began to realize that distance was going to be an issue, especially as a mother of a one-year old that is still comfort nursing. Luckily, I am in California where surrogacy laws are liberal...and the ease is multiplied when intended parents are also within the state of CA. Most of the intended parents I had talked to were generally located in Southern California, still a plane flight away, and too far to make it easy to properly acquaint the belly to the parents, in my opinion, a huge part in bonding with a surrogate child.

So, the criteria is now at:
Must be local (San Francisco Bay Area, California)
Must trust my body
Must trust their body
Must open their home for insemination
Must trust homeopathic remedies
Must be open to Midwifery
Must be open to home birthing

I also had other wants/needs....I wanted parents excited for the pregnancy, as well as the child. Meaning, I was open and encouraging involvement in prenatal appointments, the pregnancy itself and, as I mentioned before, being properly acquainted with the belly.

...Would I find all of these things? Maybe, and I was willing to wait.

Why Were You Interested in Becoming a Surrogate?

To answer this question fully, you must understand what type of background I come from... I am the youngest of three, with 2 sisters 10+ years older than myself. By my preteen years I had been surrounded by birth and babies, with my sisters beginning their families and the beginning of the late-morning TLC "Baby Story" marathons I would have on sick days from school. I had originally aspired to be an OB/GYN and eventually my plans switched to wanting to become a Midwife, and to have my own practice with a smaller overhead and the ability to have a happy and healthy family of my own...One day. Through mindless research and nonsense Googling, I came across advertisements for Egg Donation. Even in my high school years I had become interested in the ability to provide a life. One thing led to another, and soon after I was exposed to information on the option of surrogacy. I was barely in my mid-teens, mind you, and had implanted this thought into my mind. It was then that I knew...After my first born and once I turned 21, I would provide this nearly magical, technologically amazing, completely amazing process of surrogacy. (It wasn't until further research that I realized a surrogate could be BOTH an egg donor AND a surrogate!)
By 18 I had started working for a tech start-up and school paused. So did my aspirations. At the time I was young and needed money to fuel a lavish, new "adult" lifestyle. A new car, a new apartment, fancy designer bags and my addiction to kitchen housewares (I really especially love cooking!). I had lost what I truly wanted.
Push came to shove and I knew that had I not gotten out of the industry I was unhappy, but successful in, I would see the dollar-signs and not the passions.
It wasn't shortly after that I had met my daughter's father (my fiance now!). I had been on birth control and conceived my daughter. I had the choices of adoption, abortion or accepting this gift of life. I'm not saying that I'm not pro-choice, because I had the ability to make my decisions...I chose to be the mother that I had always wanted to be. I'm glad my daughter is here today, as she is the light of my life and my greatest accomplishment.
I used a doula for my daughter's birth and became inspired to "fill in the gaps" until continuing my education in correlation to becoming a midwife. Being a doula allows me to get extra cash while spending the remaining hours at home with my daughter. She is on the brink of toddlerhood and grows more and more each day. I love being able to spend time with my daughter, and love being a mother more than anything. To keep this joy to myself would be selfish... I am well and able to produce a healthy baby, a positive pregnancy and a great birth experience. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. As a surrogate I can afford to be at home with my daughter. I am looking forward to the challenge of a toddler and a pregnancy (some say I'm crazy), but in all honesty, there's no better time than now! The compensation will go directly toward continuing my education and beginning a savings and/or Trust for my daughter. Ideally I will also put in place life insurance policies under myself as well as my fiance...We are young enough to begin paying a minimal price for a decent payout.
Being a surrogate means more to me than the money, the attention, the endless amount of food I'll be able to consume...It means giving the gift of life, making mothers and fathers, giving a family to those otherwise unable. It means putting smiles on faces, love in hearts, filling holes of loss with happiness. It means giving a life to a family that is eager, able, wanting, and full of desire. It is my passion for babies, birth and pregnancy that draw me toward surrogacy. To have this ability is the greatest power one can have...To make a life, make a mother, a father, grandparents-a family, to make a bond that will forever be unbroken.
I am looking forward to this journey and hope to remember to post frequently!

Hope Life

"Hope Life" was the name they posted under. I hadn't replied to any ads, but given that they were close (within a 30 minute drive), I thought I would give it a shot.

The Intended Mother and I emailed back and forth, and eventually began chatting over the phone. From the second we began emailing, I knew it was right. A gut feeling, an overwhelming acceptance, knowing that we were matched. Our phone calls were easily over an hour, just talking, laughing, serious and full of humor. I thought everything about the I.M. was great.... The Intended Father wished to speak with me to say hello and to get acquainted with who I am, this woman who had made his wife so hopeful. A simple hello with him ended at a mere 40 minutes. Both the I.M. and I.F. were great from the beginning.

Just yesterday we met at a Starbucks, and as requested, I brought along my 13 month old daughter. I.F. played and played with my Little Bug while I.M. and I talked regarding issues such as my interest in home birth, us being a 30 minute drive, the aspect of midwife vs doctor, my ideal natural pregnancy and, the excitement I had toward their culture as East Indian parents.

As I mentioned in a blog previous, it is important to feel comfortable with the lifestyle of your I.P.s...I grew up in a predominately Indian/Asian community and always noticed the family orientation of the Indian culture. Hearing how excited both the I.M. and I.F. were about talking with me, and being just this much closer toward beginning their family made me feel amazing. I could do this for them, I could be the one to make their dreams come true.

(Did I mention that I REALLY love Indian food and Chai?...And I am fascinated with Henna belly art...AND, okay, to be TOTALLY honest, I may have a copy of the Kama Sutra!).

Every second of our meeting was full of fun, light-hearted, but seriousness. Words cannot describe, no matter how long I can stretch this post, how amazing and magical it feels to find the right match.

We are inches away from contract signing and I feel this will be an easy one, we are in full agreement on everything, no convincing, no talking into things...just plain and simple, "Wow! That's exactly how I feel, too!".

I look forward to this journey and hope to use this blog as a way to connect with other surrogate mothers, parents and all those in between. May we all have luck with our families and...Keep my ovaries in your prayers!! Let's make this baby!!