I'll never know what it is like to go through failed IVFs, or to be told that my husband is unable to produce an "army", so my disclaimer is: I don't intend to hurt any feelings.
When I had originally posted on one of the most popular Surrogacy Classifieds, I had no idea of the magnitude of replies. Within a few days I had 50+ emails, all from different walks of life. Some were genuine, some seemed "weird", and some were just--vague. Others seemingly ignored the whole entire post and replied to it anyway. I'm sure these individuals were just withered down, tired from replying and tired of reading posts. It is understandable, but, more often than not it seemed to be a "we are paying you, we want baby"-type of deal. I am not doing a surrogacy to put a down payment on a house or pay off debts (although, let's be honest, I do have my fair share of debts-I AM HUMAN!!). As a doula I could legitimately make the same per month as a standard surrogacy contract would agree to...Nothing about the money aspect of surrogacy is really appealing....I mean, hourly it is pennies on the dollar. (So, for those thinking that surrogacy compensation is the way to go for easy cash...rest assured that, well, it isn't).
If you are reading this and interested in becoming a surrogate, please do NOT give out your real/full name or emails containing them. I made this mistake, and...I'll tell you why. As a doula, within my practice, I feel professionalism is a priority. I remain open, honest and supportive of all questions and give parents and opportunity to reach out to me and to feel comfortable doing so. I guess I felt that Intended Parents were allowed to know this information... There. Are. Crazies. Also, despite many asking for phone numbers, make sure to at least trade a few emails. I have gotten texts at 12:30 AM (not from an earlier time zone!), and many other "weird" instances. I may post about these later.
When posting and deciding to become a surrogate, it is important to assess what types of families you are wanting to work with. Only straight, only Caucasians, African-Americans, Asian-Americans, Gay women/men, single gay/straight...the possibilities are endless. Going into this I also was unaware and felt it wasn't in my jurisdiction to judge someone else's family structure...But, without sounding rude, you MUST feel comfortable with the aspect of what this child will grow up into. There are pros and cons, and until you can trust and feel comfortable with the Intended Parents, Do. Not. Continue. You will be with these people in the most intimate time in your life--and the beginning of the greatest part of theirs. It is important to realize while you have had a child and given birth, this is the first birth experience they will ever have, and, (in my opinion) it should be a pleasant and respectful one (as much as one can assume-all babies, pregnancies and deliveries are different!).
As a surrogate and wanting to achieve a positive experience I had told myself to NOT settle, no matter the price, no matter the location, and after talking with a few couples near and far, I decided I would pause from posting and instead would reply to ads posted by Intended Parents.
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